Harriet Lerner
The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
August 01, 2018 Comments.. 843
The Dance of Intimacy A Woman s Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships In The Dance of Intimacy the bestselling author of The Dance of Anger outlines the steps to take so that good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones can be healed Taking a careful look

  • Title: The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
  • Author: Harriet Lerner
  • ISBN: 9780061741074
  • Page: 173
  • Format: ebook
  • In The Dance of Intimacy, the bestselling author of The Dance of Anger outlines the steps to take so that good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones can be healed Taking a careful look at those relationships where intimacy is most challenged by distance, intensity, or pain she teaches us about the specific changes we can make to achieve a solid senseIn The Dance of Intimacy, the bestselling author of The Dance of Anger outlines the steps to take so that good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones can be healed Taking a careful look at those relationships where intimacy is most challenged by distance, intensity, or pain she teaches us about the specific changes we can make to achieve a solid sense of self and a intimate connectedness with others Combining clear advice with vivid case examples, Dr Lerner offers us the most solid, helpful book on intimate relationships that both women and men may ever encounter.

    • ✓ The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships || ↠ PDF Read by Û Harriet Lerner
      173 Harriet Lerner
    • thumbnail Title: ✓ The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships || ↠ PDF Read by Û Harriet Lerner
      Posted by:Harriet Lerner
      Published :2018-08-01T03:41:10+00:00

    1 Blog on “The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships

    1. Elyse says:

      Another book I read and discussed with my daughter when she was in middle school.Excellent

    2. Meredith Holley says:

      I’ve had all this interaction recently with this particular gentleman who is involved in a couple of restraining orders and requests for no contact. The ladies who have asked him not to contact them have explained that their requests for no contact are an attempt to set definite boundaries and be clear that disrespectful treatment of them is unacceptable. Since they do not believe it is possible for him to contact them in a respectful manner, they don’t want him to contact them at all. “Bu [...]

    3. Heather says:

      You can't fix a relationship by focusing on the relationship. Since it is an act of teamwork, it can never be controlled by only one of its parts, and can never be more than the sum of those parts. But when one individual envisions what a healthy relationship is, and creates and acts out that vision on their end, many times the other half is inspired to follow and complete the vision. That is the idea behind this book, that strengthening the self will help so that self can be emotionally connect [...]

    4. Rebecca says:

      July 2013Rereading with my sister. I don't remember this book being so feminist!Still the best self-help book I've ever read. Over-functioning/under-functioning. "The disruption caused by change can only be solved by more change" and change is usually met with pressure to change back. “Paradoxically, we cannot navigate clearly within a relationship unless we can live without it. For women, this presents an obvious dilemma. Only a small minority of us have been encouraged to put our primary ene [...]

    5. K says:

      It's a pity that I read this so many years after reading The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, because I no longer remember The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships well enough to tell you whether the two books are redundant. The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships rocked my world when I read it, in part because I was having difficulty understanding my Bo [...]

    6. kelly says:

      I’m surprised about how many new ideas I got from this book considering it’s been around since the 80s. This is a feminist-influenced book, though, and anything tainted with that much secularism never made its way into my upbringing, so perhaps that’s why. I’m still making up for lost time.While the key message -- about having healthy relationships by being true to yourself -- isn’t a particularly new idea for me, I did take away many new ideas:* The impact of your “first family” r [...]

    7. Morgan says:

      The Dance of Intimacy is written as a guide for women who are seeking to deepen the intimacy in their important relationships. It had a lot of great advice and insight, and I found it to be equally applicable to my situation as a man. The author takes a perspective that is strongly feminist and also very compassionate towards individual men.The author starts from the perspective that having intimate relationships with others requires first having a strong connection with yourself. She talks abou [...]

    8. Meghan Pinson says:

      Reading Harriet Lerner's "The Dance of Anger" was a pivotal experience for me years ago, and I've since noticed it in the homes of several women I respect deeply. When I've pointed to it on their shelves, we've exchanged a knowing look and moved on to another topic, usually because there were men in the room, but also because nothing needed to be said. It's a wise and powerful book that opens up room for significant personal change, so I was eager to read this one when I found it last week (for [...]

    9. Christine Farmer says:

      A challenging read - as in, it took me several months to get through, usually with a notebook in front of me writing down key sentences. This highlighted some of my habits and patterns that keep me "stuck" in relationships - work, family, friends, and romance. The emphasis on **self-work** was so strong and so important. We don't build stronger relationships by insisting that the other change, we must evaluate and adjust our own perceptions and behaviors to more accurately reflect our true selve [...]

    10. Adam Ross says:

      I first became interested in "family systems process" through Rich Bledsoe. This particular book, despite a "chick-ish" title, was very helpful as an introduction to family systems, overfunctioning, underfunctioning, and triangulation. The theory of family systems process counseling revolves around the idea that there are multigenerational patterns of dysfuction in family history. The suggestion is that at moments of great crisis and anxiety in our past families we tend to fall into similar patt [...]

    11. Cindy says:

      Perfect book for improving one self on how to be intimate with others. I love the section on how to do self focus. I have a difficult time with this. I tend to do the whole "You do this and this" whereas I need to focus on my self. "I feel this" "I feel so and so" I also like the section on settings limits. I like how she uses examples of different people and their relationships. It really shows how people react differently to situations and how like for instance where the daughter was reacting [...]

    12. Lesley says:

      This was a tremendously beneficial read for me. Harriet Lerner develops and shares a conceptual and practical framework regarding relationships and communication towards intimacy that really hit home. She uses case studies to show familial interactions that impede or destroy the development of true intimacy. Within these case studies I could view bits and pieces of inappropriate reactions and interventions I so often resorted to in dealing with my loved ones.This book was a wake up call at best [...]

    13. Michele says:

      Outstanding book. Keeper. A woman's guide to courageous acts of change in key relationships. In the Dance of Intimacy, the bestselling author of the Dance of Anger outline the steps to take so that good relationships where intimacy is most challenged by distance, intensity, or pain and she teaches us about the specific changes we can make to achieve a more solid sense of self and more intimate connectedness with others. Combining clear advice with vivid case examples (love it) Dr. Lerner offers [...]

    14. Polina says:

      This is one of those books that I wish I haven't read! It clearly exposes the patterns and unconscious behaviours we engage in in our relationships. And once exposed I can't just keep doing the same old thing and have to change. And change is difficult, like the book keeps emphasising over and over again. Read at your own risk, recommended only for those motivated to work to make their relationships more harmonious and to maintain the illusive balance between "I" and "we".

    15. Rachel Ann Brickner says:

      Y'all I don't know about you, but I could listen to Harriet Lerner write about anything. Her writing, humor, and intellect all feel like a big hug. Definitely recommend this book as a light, beginning read for anyone trying to figure out how to make necessary but difficult changes in their most important relationships.

    16. Elle says:

      Normally, I find 'self-help' books a struggle to read and, even if they are informative, I am usually very glad to finish them as the reading is so dry. Not so with Harriet Lerner's books. Whatever book I am reading of hers is always my favorite. The Dance of Anger is excellent in addressing overfunctioning/underfunctioning roles. This book continues to deal with influencing change by focusing on yourself but deals more with understanding triangles. I have already downloaded another Harriet Lern [...]

    17. William says:

      Harriet Lerner talks about the complexities of △'s and how lack of wisdom and compassion can unbind even the most tangled of tapestries. She contemplates the subtle intricacies of relationships that lasts a lifetime. The situational examples in the book represents a facet that can be surmised in a thousand ways, each can either cause them to sever or stand the test of time.

    18. Lia says:

      Along with Dance of Anger, the best book for understanding how relationship problems are mutually created and perpetuated. Brilliantly written.

    19. Leah says:

      Author was recommended by counselor. While dated and hetero normative, still had lots of excellent core material. I may have enjoyed it because it reaffirmed a number my own conclusions.

    20. Dawn says:

      Recommended by my therapist

    21. Jude Arnold says:

      The Dance of INTIMACY : A Woman’s Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships By Harriet G. Lerner, PH.D 1989In this wonderful book, Dr. Learner emphasizes the importance of making a pictorial representation of the facts of a family system for at least three generations. She asserts that these “anniversaries” in our first family have significant import in understanding ourselves and the cycles we repeat in future relationships. I gave this book to my mom hoping we would make th [...]

    22. Meow Says The Cat says:

      Contained many eye-opening morsels of wisdom. Not your typical pop-psychology garbage. The author’s explanation of overfunctioner-underfunctioner dynamics has especially stayed with me, and it really brought home to me why it’s so key to set strong boundaries with people for both of your benefit, even if initially it can feel like you’re damaging your bond instead of improving it. Would gladly recommend this book to anyone who wants deeper insight into interpersonal connections and the gam [...]

    23. Nicole Perry says:

      It’s amazing it took me this long to get to the 1989 feminist therapy classic considering how hungry I've been for more voices like hers. I kept seeing it on the bookshelves of my mentors and thinking some day I should get around to it. I’m glad I finally did. I hadn’t realized that it would be SO relevant to the daily struggles of the people I work with. The Dance of Intimacy digs deep into all the same challenges that the best writers and therapists are still discussing today. And it doe [...]

    24. Catherine says:

      This is the second book of Harriet Lerner’s that I have read and both proved easy to absorb, while challenging me to review long established habits. I wish she would get a professional reader for the audiobooks but otherwise they are great. I find them to be quick but insightful guides to maintaining healthy intimate relationships of all kinds.

    25. Megan says:

      I liked Dance of Anger more than this one. Learner is pretty adamant that you can solve most of your problems in life if you work out the issues in your first family. I am not a psychotherapist, but I genuinely believe that there are some toxic people that need to be cut out of a persons life for healthy forward movement. For example, when I got to the chapter where she was helping a girl reestablish contact with someone who committed incest with her, she totally lost me. I think the basic ways [...]

    26. Liz says:

      Thankfully the cover illustration had nothing to do with the every day tips this book offered. Lots of good points throughout.

    27. Kate says:

      Dance of Anger was useful to me, but this book was absolutely pivotal in helping me develop better mental models for the interactions I have in my personal relationships. I will be reading this again, and probably soon.

    28. Susan says:

      Contrary to what you might presume by the cover (that this book is about sexual intimacy), this book is about the connectivity in relationships. There is lots of emphasis on family of origin and creating genograms to help you understand family dynamics. While this might be important if you had an alcoholic parent or other problem in you family of origin, I'm not sure how relevant it is to me (although I'm sure I always could learn something using these techniques). I liked the idea that we can n [...]

    29. Debby says:

      If you find yourself "stuck" and blaming everything wrong in your relationships on somebody else, this is a book well worth reading. I found The Dance of Intimacy to be very informative, insightful and challenging. I'd have to say I learned more concrete and useful info from this book than from most, if not all, counseling I've been through over the years. I'm not saying I agreed with her 100%, but enough that I'd recommend this book before I'd recommend a counselor (unless the therapist was the [...]

    30. Lori Bamber says:

      It's been more than 20 years since I read this the first time. While it is unquestionably dated (lots of talk about the second wave of feminism and a woman whose husband makes her cancel her subscription to Ms. Magazine) it's also still completely on point, insightful and potentially life-changing. For me, one primary takeaway is that conflict is normal and inevitable in relationships, but that high anxiety is a toxin that causes conflict to stay unresolved and painful, with implications for all [...]

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